The DARWIN Awards
It's with great pleasure that I announce...it's that time again. The Darwin Awards are out! These Annual Honors are given to the persons who did the human gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.
You may recall that last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.
This year's winner was a genuine Rocket Scientist...no jive! Read on...and remember that each and every one of these is a true story. The nominees were:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. The resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both he and his sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston , VA man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot rail road trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the concrete," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from numerous rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized, but lived.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter
was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as ''especially bright'' by his peers.
And now the winner of this year's Darwin Award; as always, awarded posthumously;
THE 2011 WINNER!
Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene.
Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off...actually a solid-fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra 'push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
The driver, and soon-to-be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event.
However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driverM applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not actually on the ground.
Really.....we couldn't make this stuff up. People like these are all around us. They have kids and they vote...but after these stunts they will only vote in Chicago..!!!
Mark seeks wonder in everyday aspects of life which we take for granted. Recently in writing about our national highway system he brought to my attention the first military convoy to cross the United States, for which I thank him. This was in 1919, one of the years of the Influenza Epidemic, and a then Lieutenant Colonel Dwight Eisenhower took part. The convoy took fifty-six travel days to cover 3,250 miles from Washington, D.C. to Oakland, California at an average speed of 5.65 mph. That is 4.9 knots. GANNET speed. Along the way they were masters of repair and improvisation, strengthening bridges, replacing burned out pistons, welding cracked frames. From Chicago west the roads were mostly dirt. Just over 100 years ago.
You can read more at:
From the continued fascinating THE SPLENDID AND THE VILE.
The (night bombing) raids generated a paradox. The odds that any one person would die on any one night were slim, but the odds that someone somewhere in London would die were 100 percent. Safety was a product of luck alone. One young boy, asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, a fireman or pilot or such, answered:
“Alive.”
And.
Lloyd George declined the offer (to be Ambassador to the U.S.), citing his doctor’s concerns about his health. He was, after all, seventy-seven years old.
I have been ambivalent about replacing GANNET’s wind instrument. I like the information and at times find it useful. I don’t even blame Raymarine for the failures following GANNET’s masthead going into the water after knockdowns which is beyond reasonable expectation.
This morning I may have found a solution. A new instrument by a company called OoenWind that pairs with a smartphone and costs half of alternatives. I tried to order one, but MauriPro’s online order form is not functioning properly. I will call them tomorrow.
4 comments:
I seem to recall Mythbusters did a segment on the JATO thing. Older than 2011, I think.
As I learned earlier today that is correct and the story is a myth.
I will correct it in the next journal entry.
Thanks for bringing this to my attention.
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story
I do not agree. I prefer the truth and regret circulating this story even if it is a good one.
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